Sacrifice

Amber beads in a turned wood bowl
Ancient resin and smoothed heartwood
red-gold hair in sunlight, catching
light to hold it, reflected

I didn’t see they were folded before
until
like a barren umbrella my bones expand, opening
I travel from nose-tip through aching skull
down raw vertebrae
throat tight with unknown emotion
down to legs, buttocks
firm against the chair and back again

I did not know I needed to cry
Until it came to me
as I passed by the locked door of my throat
and felt the trapped beating heart within

don’t hurt me
I can’t do this again
But I will
I want to be alive again
to feel another soul against me
it was such a brief moment of union

If you fling open the doors of your heart,
she will enter and find no-one home
it’s not that I don’t want to meet you there
I am here behind the couch
I have been waiting here the whole time

I may sit, bravely, clad in warrior brown
leather breastplate much admired
and I will not take it off unless you
reach to me, unfastening lacings

I will pretend it is no big deal to be naked
with you
but unless our hearts meet
we are not naked, truly

I spoke to Aphrodite
She said what she always says
love, and love truly
the rest is madness
love her
amber is beautiful but long dead
the living tree can always bend toward the sun

if you open the cage in your throat
the heart will sing through
and I will be here
I will always be here

I spoke to Herne
and he said you will never be free
you will always be free
you will never be loved
you will always be loved
the heart can only be sacrificed
torn beating from the stags chest
but it will grow again

It will grow again.

And I,
I love her. I love you. I love myself.
I love the thought of her. I loved her.
And now we do not know one another.
And They say “For in these moments only you and I were there, dear one.
only you and I were there.”

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